What would Doctor Who say?

I was looking at some funny Doctor Who pics. Here are, what I thought, were the cream of the crop.
4 & 5 are gif's, click to see animation.

What would Philo Beddoe say?

I've liked Country music ever since I saw the Any Which Way movies, way back in the late 70's.

I owned the soundtracks on vinyl, they are still unavailable on CD, but that didn't stop me transferring them to my PC as MP3 format.

I liked the music so much because it was very much a story based medium. I love a good story, and I like a story in a song. I get very tired of a lot of the modern music that seems to be around these days that just repeat a few lines over and over again and again to a mind numbing beat.

I feel quite smug at the moment, my tastes in Country prevail. Groups like The Dixie Chicks, Lady Antebellum and my favourite Rascal Flatts, as well as artists like Reba McEntyre, Tim McGraw, and Kenny Chesney, just to name a smattering are constantly on my iPod, and it was my expectation that I would not be alone for long in liking this music. I figured it wouldn't be long before other people started appreciating this quality, lyric based, real music.

I feel smug because this week I've heard a lot of Country music on the radio, quite a few duets as stars and established musicians seek out the 'real' sound coming from Nashville, the home of Country, and an upcoming interview with Reba McEntyre.

Quality is rising.

And for any doubters, have a listen to this old classic from that first Every Which Way album…

What would Steven Seagal say?

Possibly the funniest review I ever read on amazon for the Steven Seagal series Lawman:

I got pulled over by Seagal ..., March 13, 2010

By 

Tim - See all my reviews

This review is from: Steven Seagal Lawman: The Complete Season One (DVD)

I'm not sure what I was doing to set off his Zen psychic powers, but I got pulled over by Officer Seagal once. I was coming back from Hong Kong market on the westbank with several small Banh-Mi sandwiches and groceries and some Asian sweets. Running toward the car with what appeared to be a severe purpose, he started yelling "Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! STEP OUT OF THE CAR, YO?!" and things like that. So I get out, and before my heel can even touch the ground I find myself in an ankle lock with him screaming at me about compliance. Several excruciating moments later, he gets this thousand yard stare looking at my car and sniffing the car uncontrollably as he pat me down. He put his hands together and bowed the way Japanese do in more formal moments, and said "Yo, Im' gonna hafta search the car, yo?" I had six Peking ducks in the backseat, and he said I was "way over the limit" as he started chowing down on my chicken liver Banh-mi. He gave one of the ducks to Colonel Fortunato who proceeded to swallow it whole, feet first. For the next half hour they just kept eating all my food and high fiving each other, right there on Gen. Degaulle Dr! Then he turned to me, jiggling his cheeks as he shook his head and said "mmmpph well das enoughmpph you kin gompph" I went home with a car full of crumbs but I swear to God, I'm lucky to be alive!

What would Grandad say?

My good friend Andy just sent me this e-mail at work, man, I'm getting old! :

A trip down Memory Lane for the old folks and a Laugh a Minute for you youngsters who don't know what we're talking about!!!

Enjoy!

Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?' 

 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.'Except for Fish & Chip shops and we ate it all so unhygenically from newspaper wrappers' 

'All the other food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'home,' I explained.

'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country and credit cards had not been invented.

My parents never drove me to school. I had my mothers bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

We didn't have a television in our house until the Queens Coronation.

It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 4 p.m. and there was usually locally produced news and everything was live.....or film.

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

  

Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and many boys delivered newspapers --My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week.  He had to get up at   6AM every morning.

Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence (except cowboy films) or almost anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend:

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle.   In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it...    I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea.   She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something.   I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.   Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?

Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.

Ignition switches on the dashboard. There were two postal deliveries per day.

Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. The street lights were turned off at about 11pm each night. Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators. Corona fizzy drinks were delivered in glass bottles by lorry each week, and the empties returned.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:

Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom.

1. Sweet cigarettes

2. Coffee shops with juke boxes 

3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles 

4. Party lines on the telephone

5. Newsreels before the film 

6. TV test card patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again. (There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])

7.  Peashooters 

8.  78 rpm records

9. 45 RPM records

10. Hi-fi's

11. Metal ice trays with levers

12. Blue flashbulbs

13. Cork popguns 

14. Wash tub wringers 

If you remembered 0-3 = You’re still young

If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older

If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age

If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient! 

I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!! 

Especially to all your really OLD friends....I just did!!!!!!!!!

(PS. I used a large type face so you could read it easily) 

What would the Germans say?

This is 100% genuine.
I just found this whilst looking on my PC at some old files.
This is years old, back in the time when on-line translation systems were worse than they are now!
What I did was chuck a load of old cheesy jokes into an English to German translator...and this was the result:


Why on earth did the chicken go and cross the road!
Because of the fact that he was going to the other side of the road?

What will witches ride in on in the future motor powered!
They will be on a vroomsticks?

What did the horse who went in to the pub and the landlord said!
Why is your face so long horse?

How do you eventually know when its time to pull yourself together!
Your doctor mistakes you for curtain?

What does the astronaut park his car at!
Up the parking meteors?

What do you cross if you cross a sheep and a kangaroo!
Warm Jumper?

Man to butcher I'd like two pork chops please!
Butcher which way would you like them to lean?

Doctor doctor I feel like beans on toast!
Shut up you skinhead get back on the raft ?

Why the boy threw his clock out of a window!
How time flies?

Whats the difference between a knock knock and a doctor doctor!
Thats a Irishman of course it is?

Q: what is the capital of the Japan?
A: J.

Q: vot call you a street, where all crazy people are?
A: a psycho path.

Q: what did a chicken call crossing the street?
A: feather cattle in movement ya.

Q: what did the zero to the eight make say?
A: "Hey. . . Volume nice"

A dog went in a telegraph office to send a telegram. It have, "Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, Woof,
Then the secretary what the dog reads written has, and, said gives "it only nine words here!!!. It could send another 'Woof' for the same price silly dog friend.
"But, that dog reciprocated, "the message then any sense no make frauhlein.

Q: what happened to the hölzernen wood car?
A: it goes woods, yah, it really doos.

Q: a man goes to the doctor. The man has a strawberry that are awake out of his head.
A: the doctor says "that you have any Kreme to give me to place on it"

A man goes in injured to the doctor, "Doc, I've my arm in several places:
the doctors says, "goods. . . there are more arms in udder places. ha ha".

A man was murdered in its home at the weekend. ALT+0160
Detectives have it with the front door. After below in the bathtub the tub is with milk, Cornflakes, and banana disks found has been filled up.
Polize Bureau a grain murderer seek!!!

Q: what will you pour dilutes when you be named a rabbit hole?
A: a hot cross bunny herr friend.

Q: you know how the magnificent gorge Big Canyon was formed?
A: a Scot man and gopher hole dropped his penny down.

A bear runs into a rod bar. So the Barkeeper ask, "what I receive can you?"
the bears answer, "I'll has a gin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ya und tonic,
that of the Barkeeper ask, "why the large recess und spikly paws?"

Q: what did the farmer say lost when its tractor?
A: "SHNELL, where's my tractor?"

What would Trigo Say?

For those who remember fondly The Trigan Empire in Look & Learn, I've just realised you can read the best of it on your PC free.

First you'll need a Comic Book Reader (CBR) programme. I got one free HERE
Then you can download a 187 page collected  comic HERE

Enjoy.

What would BT say?

I've been thinking about phones.
Last week a truck hit the telephone pole at the back of our house, taking it out and all telephone and broadband for our house as well as all other houses in the spiderweb of wires it fed.
A week later we still have no phone etc. I just rang BT. I know, I should get a medal just for that. Do you know how hard it is to get a phone number for them? I searched the website at work and found nothing except an online form to fill in. Usually you just ring 150, but that won't work.
I eventually got the number from the IT dept:
91211280 (I think the 9 here is the number I have to ring from work to get a dial tone), then 150 for sales or 152 for faults.
After a 5 minute 'conversation' to a robot I finally got to speak to a human being. You get the feeling of finding water after struggling through a desert.
Anyway, they wanted to make it clear if I report a fault and the trouble is with my equipment I'd have to pay £130.
Well, I told the lady i knew what the problem was, the telegraph pole has gone. All the wires for about 10 houses are spread all over our garden and hedges neighbouring us.
She seemed think i was the first person to report the fault, well what about the BT people who took the pole away?
Anyway, she said there is a 3 day wait to have hinges fixed. Roll on Thursday.

When I was a kid phones were a great source of entertainment on a boring rainy school holiday day.
Especially, if like us you had a party line. Kids today don't have a clue what this is. It's when 2 or more houses had the same phone line. If someone was on the phone, not only could the other house not make a call, but you could pick up the phone and listen to their conversation. Also, if you both picked up your phone, you could chat for free.
As a bit of a scamp I would occasionally be naughty and have a listen in to conversations. But apart from once being told to stop listening from the lady down the road, it really was a bit boring.

Other things I used to do, was just pick up the phone and listen. If you listened carefully you could hear a white noise and faint voices, which I always imagined were the operators?

Also, in those days (70's) we all had 1 phone each. No houses with a phone in each room, no DECT. So one day I decided to dial my own number. In theory nothing should have happened, but a lady answered. So I asked to speak to Chris (myself) and the lady asked me to hold while she went and got him. I was so freaked out I put the phone down. Telling this story later, people don't always grasp this wasn't someone in my house answering, as I was on the ONLY phone.

There was also a number you could dial, it had a few 2's in it, that when you rang it and put the phone down it would make the phone ring. Always good for a little joke.

And phone boxes! The old style would let you speak for a few seconds while you put money in. So, a little game me and my friend played was seeing what the longest number was we could dial and get a ring tone. I seemed to remember dialling 13 numbers (at a time when most numbers only had 3 digits), so I guessed it was somewhere across the globe. It rang for ages (again, supporting my theory that whoever's house it was, was probably asleep), and then a tired voice said 'hello', I just said 'goodbye' , hung up and went off to play in the fields. I've often pictured though a tired Australian or American scratching his head wondering who it was, maybe thinking it was his practical joker friend not realising it was a little boy in a village in South Wales.